(Reposted from Our Written Lives)
It’s almost Valentines Day again, and I find myself once again writing from the single perspective. I’ve written a lot in the past about what it feels like to be single on Valentine’s Day, how we can make the most of the day and treat ourselves well, and how it’s not about what we get, but what we give to others. All of that is still true. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a sad day, or a disappointing day just because we are single. Whatever Valentine’s Day is, it will be what I decide it will be. I can make it a day full of love, or a day full of deep sorrows. It is my choice.
This year, I have a slightly different take on the whole “Single Valentine’s Day” stuff. I’m actually really thankful I’m single this year. I realize too often I find myself with unrealistic expectations for relationships. I hope for the best, and it doesn’t exactly turn out the way I dreamt it would. It’s my own disappointment and disillusionment that knock me off my feet faster than love ever has. This year, I want to say I’m thankful that I am not going to battle being in a difficult relationship on Valentine’s Day. I don’t have to bother with myself being a disappointment to anyone else. I don’t have to fake a smile through my own let down expectations. I can treat myself well, and the way I want to be treated. I can love myself and care for myself, which is my only job right now. I don’t have to put anyone else’s feelings or well-being above my own.
I can even trust all of my guy friends that they know what they are doing when they don’t ask me out on Valentine’s Day, and don’t talk to me like I wish they would. I can trust they are doing what’s best for my well-being. I can trust that if they say they aren’t what I need, they are right. I can trust them to know what’s best for our friendship, what’s best for them, and what’s best for me.
It’s not an easy reality to swallow, but I can do it. I can find myself secure in Christ’s love, grounded in His Word, and filled with His Spirit. Yes, I’m totally dependent on God for my emotional well-being. He is my source of life, love and security. Without God’s love, I would be empty. My life would be meaningless. I am who I am because He loves me and created me to be me. I’m so grateful for every relationship the answer has been “no” to. I still believe one day I’ll find the right person and we’ll choose to love each other. But for today, I’m just going to love God and myself. I’m so thankful I can always depend on the Lord. He will never leave or forsake me.
And to clarify, no I don’t think of Jesus as my boyfriend. He’s not. He’s my God. He’s my source of strength and life. He’s my stability. He’s my rock. And when no one else is around, He is.
Rachael Kathleen Hartman 