March 30, 2024
You left me with empty arms
So Humiliation stepped up to comfort me
His unwanted embrace held me prisoner
Wrapping me so I could barely breathe
His hand securely gripping my throat,
The base of his palm heavy on my plender gap
You left me in a vulnerable state
So Shame spread her black cloak on top of me
Like a burqa enveloping from head to toe
The heavy fabrics both trapped and protected me
Darkness blocking any ray of hope from burning me
As the familiar scent of abandonment suffocated my senses
You left me alone with my thoughts
So Silence deafened me with her constant clamor
“Not good enough! Never enough! Always alone! Forever alone!”
Mortification joined our conversation, as did Self-Deprecation
And we recalled every critique you made, the fat, the hair, the clothes
I covered my ears but the words continued to burn straight through me
You left me for too long and I realized you were never coming back
So, I felt every feeling as it raged its way through me
And, finally, all of the visitors left and I was alone with the one I call Friend
We sat and drank tea in the sun and planted new seeds for spring
And dreamed new dreams together that didn’t involve you
And it was a beautiful day
I sat alone in my garden with my dogs and plants to keep me company
Listening to the birds sing and the bees buzz, watching the flowers bloom
And I thought of you and the love that I imagined we could have had
And I realized my imagining was all in my heart and head the whole time
The love I felt came from within me and overflowed all around me
Instead of directing the flow to water you, I began to water myself
Then you texted, so I asked Silence if she would respond for me
And you texted again, so I asked Shame if she would tell you I read it
You texted again, so I asked Humiliation to comfort you as he had done for me
So, I left you with empty arms, in a vulnerable state, alone with your thoughts
Thinking about me and the love we could have had . . .
If you had not left me
Rachael Kathleen Hartman 